i’m rolling the dice, got the wind in my hair yeaahhh… i’m gonna kill my boyfriend
Jeg tog kniven ind i munden, og ned af min tunge. Slikkede den, som råt kød. Jeg lænede mig tilbage i min volkswagen polo. Så udover Gran Canyon.
Stille. Som jeg altid har ønsket. De ved ikke hvad de venter sig. Hun ved ikke hvad hun venter sig. Jeg slog og på rattet og brød ud i at græde.
Hun havde svigtet mig. Og hun ville fortryde. Så meget. Jeg skruet ned for Natalia Kills. Min hånd bevægede sig hen mod nøglen og jeg startede bilen.
Min fod ramte koblingen, og ramte den anden på speederen.
Vinden havde fanget mit hår, og jeg var på motorvejen. Mine klør havde taget fat i rattet. Jeg må være der snart. Det må jeg…
5 måneder før
- Stop, det kilder!
- Maya, jeg ved du kan lide det.
Line tog fat om mine hofter, og løftede mig op. Hun svingede mig omkring, og mit hoved var ved at ramme lysekronen.
Hun sat mig forsigtigt ned, og gav mig et kæmpe kys. Et kys der føltes som en masse fisk der kyssede mine fødder.
Hun rev min sorte kjole op. Og jeg var blottet i mit undertøj. Blide kys startede fra fødderne og op til mit ansigt, indtil hun ramte min mund.
Jeg tog min hånd igennem hendes blonde hår. Hendes silke bløde blonde hår. Det var dejligt skønt. Et perfekt sted til at gøre det. En udsigt over Singapore.
En udsigt så smuk. Og hotellet… det kunne slet ikke beskrives. En lysekrone af ægte diamanter og guld. En seng så fortryllet, og ting så gamle at jeg kan mærke
historierne i mig. En pladespiller, spiller i baggrunden. Madonna - Materiale Girl. Vores yndlings sang.
-Ikke nu.. je-je-jeg er ikke klar Line…
Et suk kom fra hende. Et stort suk. Selvom hun prøvede at virke okay omkring det, vidste jeg hun ikke var. Jeg måtte gå, ville ikke gøre det mere akavet.
My parents always wake me up at 10 am, which is in somes cases its good. But when I have freakin’ vacation, i don’t want someone to wake me up. No that someone has to be me.
Here i’m sitting. Wondering if my daily routin’ is the best for me. Mostly would just consider me as an ordinary girl, wasting her
time on the internet. And i am. Truly. But if i didn’ t do that. I would have been dead by now. And i can’t see any other
way telling my story, than this way. I’m 14 years old. Living in Denmark. I waste my time on the internet everyday, all day.
I have been doing this for 6 years or more. I’ve changed school for 6 mounths ago. Only for the better of course. The whole reason for that, was because of this one girl mostly. She wrote to me on facebook that i should kill myself. Which i did
consider. Why i’m still alive? This is only because this one person. But more in to that later. Because i changed school, wasn’t
only because this one person. It was also because of my best friends. We have been friends for 10 years now. I don’t know why
i am anymore. Maybe because society says that you need friends 2 be happy. Which isn’t my way of thinking. Anyways.
Shes always been rude to me. In 1 grade to 3 grade she always choosed another girl, and she would hit me all the time.
She litteraly didn’t want me to hang out with the other girls in my class. And today she says shes a “good person”, because she helped me, the outsider, when truly she made me the outsider. In 4th grade i began to be friends with the others, and kind of
did stupid things, like started to talk against people, and say bad things. Which ended with me getting to some trouble. Since 5th grade i started to get bullied, for being different. And this girl, who i was really good friends with, started make fun of how i looked. I wasn’t weak, i’d say things to her 2, not evil things. Nobody liked me in the class. They though i was annoying, and even my best friend wouldn’t speak up for me. One time i got pist about they wouldn’t take the study we did serious, and I got
mad. Then they started bullying me, and again saying i was ugly. That ended with me walking out of the class, which i’ve done few other times, crying alot, and calling my dad so i could get home. First then my best friend came down to me in the car, and talked to me about it. The school started to take it serious and all, but it didn’t help at all. The school took the blame on me, and said that i was the problem. That was in 7th grade. In 8th grade i changed school. In 7th grade i was having alot of suicide thoughs, i was just done with everything. I felt like nobody wanted me, i was nothing to everybody. And it didn’t matter
if i was in this world. Even my parents didn’t take my suicide thoughs serious. The new school i’m on is great. Even tho that.
I’ve still got some hard times. But the only person who helped me through all the time in these situations. Is called Maya.
I’ve met her on the internet, and i couldn’t be more greatful for a person. I’ve been friends with her in 5-6 years.
And if i wasn’t friends with her, i would have been dead by now. So screw them who calls the internet a bad place, it isn’t.
I’ve met my best friend on it. I still have bad times, but not as bad as before. So here i’m sitting. Wondering if my daily routin’ is the best for me. And damn right it is. Thank you so much Maya.